Letters Full

Dear Scott,
I can’t begin to thank you for speaking with the teenagers at the Juvenile Detention Center. Your ability to engage their attention and interest is a true gift. Your honesty and frankness was especially appreciated by them. It was quite obvious from their numerous questions that you piqued their curiosity about HIV. As you were talking, I was watching their faces and many were absolutely riveted. I also watched the teacher and counselors who were in attendance and they, too, were paying close attention. Hopefully, some of our teenagers will change their dangerous behaviors and attitudes towards themselves as a result of your talk. Thank you for thinking about us and taking your time to give to these children who are so troubled. Take care of yourself and please let us know when you are back in town and can spare some time for us.
Sincerely,
Andrea S. Barna, R.N.

Dear Scott,
Our class wanted to thank you for coming to share your story with us. We appreciated how you did not dance around the tough issues and brought HIV close to us. Your bravery and strength really inspired us. You dedicate every day to helping make life better for you and for others. Instead of sitting in a room of regret, you use your misfortune to help kids like us. Before we met, we thought we’d feel sorry for someone in your situation. But more than feel sorry for you, we admire you. Some of us have been asking our friends to tell themselves that they are sacred, just the way that you had us tell ourselves. And sometimes we still tell it to ourselves, especially when we really need to believe it. Thank you for everything you have given us. We hope you will stay healthy for a long time.
Love,
Central Synagogue 9th Graders

Dear Scott:
I hope when you receive this letter you will find yourself in the best of health and spirit. It was a privilege to bring you in to speak in front of our medical school students. The response was outstanding; both students and professors alike raved about your talk. Your upbeat and positive message about life, in spite of its many exacting difficulties, rang true for all of us. I wish you the best in this, as you call it, “sweet life!”
Fondly,
Susan Giordano
Program Coordinator

Dear Scott:
I am writing to thank you for sharing your story with us at LaFollette High School in Madison, Wisconsin. I was the sign language interpreter for the deaf students. Once again, HIV has a “face.” I pray I never forget or take for granted this horrible disease, whether it’s affecting someone close to me or not. Your message is powerful, painful, courageously given, solemnly received, dignified, and so, so real. They hear you Scott. We all hear you. In my many years of interpreting for deaf students, I have never seen such a large group so attentive and so moved. Thank you for taking the time to come here. It doesn’t seem right that we should be so blessed, while you live with the threat of AIDS. So much greater then is the blessing of your presence in our lives. I wish you an overwhelming amount of strength, courage and peace, and many big, bright, beautiful full moons.
With thanks and respect,
Dianne Hawkins

The children seemed to make a connection to you, your tone, your mannerisms and especially your openness and warmth. The result…a lobby filled with parents waiting for their children to leave – but the kids would not go. They ALL stayed to keep talking with you. It was an amazing sight to see. Education at its finest.
Jeri Newman
Chair, Religious School Committee
Temple Beth Torah, Upper Nyack, NY

Parents

The children seemed to make a connection to you, your tone, your mannerisms and especially your openness and warmth. The result…a lobby filled with parents waiting for their children to leave – but the kids would not go. They ALL stayed to keep talking with you. It was an amazing sight to see. Education at its finest.
Jeri Newman
Chair, Religious School Committee
Temple Beth Torah, Upper Nyack, NY

Dear Scott,
From the bottom of my heart I thank you for a very beautiful evening of listening and learning. Two days later and I still feel a high from the magic that was in the air, the kind of magic that happens when truth gets told and hearts are opened and shared. We began with your story, which fundamentally, as you pointed out, is everyone’s story. I am still absorbing all the loving wisdom you shared, and because of it, I am more in touch with the teenager I still am at 38 years old! Your words bring people together — across cultures, religions, sexual orientations, and generations. My 14-year-old daughter is not different from who I was or who I still am, only in the particulars. We are both filled with contradictions. As a parent I want her to grow in love and feel empowered. I also want desperately to banish all pain from her life, and preserve the innocence in her developing psyche. The mixed message I send is “You are strong and you are also profoundly fragile. You have all you need to soar, but you’re vulnerable to a bad fall.” She gets that, and hopefully, the more significant truth: She is precious. She is so magnificently beautiful, and I know she doesn’t know that about herself. But I remember that I didn’t either, and most of the time I still don’t. Now I can relate to that part of her without having to make her trust what I have trouble trusting in myself. I can hold my loving awe of her in the most treasured and true place in my heart, and just be with her in her insecurity and in her struggle to reach out and to accept all that’s within. I’m learning not to try to negate her feelings of inadequacy, nor to co-opt them. I’m letting it all be, and I’m being with and for her. I knew all this intellectually before Tuesday night happened. I just wasn’t ready to integrate this understanding because it appears to fly in the face of the protective instinct of the mother I am. Your words helped me to break through that barrier because they were spoken in the spirit of absolute non-judgment, whereas unfortunately my self-reflections are unconstrained by such tolerance and acceptance.

Minutes before we arrived at the temple, we had a near-accident. Three deer ran out in front of my car and we missed hitting them by just fractions of an inch. My right arm flew out to grab at my daughter’s jacket and stop her from being propelled toward the windshield. I knew she had her seat belt on as always, but I somehow think my arm will stop her where a federally sanctioned safety device can’t. Likewise, all my strength of character goes into the care and nurturing of this person. When that seems not to be enough, when she still doesn’t believe in herself, I feel I have failed. She still cannot bring herself to comprehend that all the popular cheerleader-types in the world sometimes feel just as alone as she does. All the affirmations, all the permission to accept herself that I can offer her cannot change these perceptions. My job now is not to try in vain to make her believe me, but to remain steadfastly a person who believes in her. I remind myself not to be in the business of fixing what breaks in her self-esteem, but to hear how broken it feels and put my kiss on it. She is my oldest child. She has a 12-year-old brother and a 7-year-old sister. I hope they someday get to hear you speak, and get to bear witness to such generosity and courageousness as you have shown in being so real. You are an extraordinarily beautiful human being, the likes of which this world can ill afford to lose, and I pray for your continued good health. I now do this every time I take my two little vitamins daily, and it goes out to everyone living with HIV or AIDS.

Our tradition teaches that all of the Torah exists only to make peace in the world, and in the Torah we are taught that our lives are *sacred*. I am grateful for your powerful reminder; for taking it out of mere text and putting it so eloquently and lovingly into context.

Warmest regards,
A loving Mom

Dear Scott,
While you journey back to New York, your resonance is still echoing inside our minds. Scott, you are simply an inspiration to life. For those who are ready, you levitate and ensconce our souls. For those who are not, the seeds of possibility are planted. Do not ever relent. You are a holder of the tablets disseminating authenticity as most people try to scamper away from it. By courageously opening up yourself to strangers, you aid us in breaking down the walls and hiding places we live in. From there we can open ourselves to more truths in our lives. I look forward to reading your books. I can only hope that along the way of helping us, you arrive at your destination of inner peace.

Dear Scott,
I heard you last night when you came to speak to us, a group of teenagers and parents at a temple in New Jersey. I heard you and felt you as you revealed your inner life and lay it bare for us to know and enter into, if even for just that brief moment in time. And as I sat there listening, absorbing, inhaling your truths, I was overwhelmed by the beauty of your honesty and the sadness of your story. I wanted to jump in and change the course of your story so that it had a different outcome, without the pain and suffering you have had to endure as the price for seeking your happiness and your truth. And then I was struck by the awareness of how someone I barely knew could touch me so deeply. And I realized what a blessing you have made of your life, how you have taken your deepest, darkest secrets and brought them into the light, transforming them into a healing power for not just you, but for all those you encounter.
Your work is lifesaving and soul-enriching. Your enactment of your pill regimen spoke many more volumes than the well-meaning but often dreary lectures that define health education programs in schools everywhere. And your passion for life, for making connections and making yourself heard, makes those who meet you feel a little bit more known, somewhat more understood and perhaps a bit less lonely in the world.

Dear Scott,

You spoke to two of my daughters on Sunday and sparked an amazing family discussion. I sat through your lecture on Monday night, silently weeping, feeling the sorrow and loneliness of the contradictions of my children. The details aren’t important…but the emotions we all felt were real! I left feeling on top of the world! After your talk, I felt like I had permission to cry out loud and share in their happiness and feel their pain. I left feeling, “Wow, I AM a great parent!” All of the bullets you suggested we do, I do! The kids hang at my house; I am the adult they all ask their questions to; I tell all of them how much I care about them and they are “seen” when they enter our lives. I touch my girls with soft caresses. We laugh. We cry. We breathe! It is important to feel validated in life. Having recently moved back home to my birth city to be with my ailing father, to have heard your talk has given me the lift I really needed! Thank you for validating me and helping me see that I am not the only person in life who thinks this is the best way to parent! You have left a mark on our lives. Thank you for caring enough to have SEEN us!

Sincerely,
Sally, a parent in Minneapolis

Scott,

I needed to thank you so much for coming to our community. I have three teenagers (thanks for autographing their book!). We each felt if we could wish the impossible, we would love one to pour out our hearts and secrets to you. Your heart is sooooo amazing. What you said would happen has indeed happened. You have made their lives easier because you gave us the ability to really understand that there is a special space for mom’s (I am single) and their teens. Miracles. Miracles. You said you wanted to make one happened tonight and you did! My girls have allowed into their “kingdoms” only because you opened the door for us at the same time. I want to thank you for the incredible performance you gave to the parents. Every word and gesture was not in vain. You are a magician and we all love you for sharing your pain and experiences and true caring with us and our kids. You are invaluable to this generation!

Love, Nina

Dear Scott,

I was in the audience last night with two of my four children. You moved me to tears. As a matter of fact, I couldn’t stop crying the entire evening. Your story touched my heart. Your message to us pierced my soul and reached deep inside of where my own troubled teenaged, adolescent, and even adult lies. For some reason, your story and words brought so much to the surface. Like so many others, I never accepted myself, had nowhere to turn, had no arms to fall into. Your words so hit home. At this point in my life, I worry about my children who lost their father to suicide seven years ago. When I heard my son tell you that he prayed for you this summer, I was reaffirmed that his core intact. When I heard my daughter tell you that she prayed for your recovery every morning this summer, this also made me feel that she has her priorities intact as well. I can’t bring their father back; I can’t fix the broken situation; but I am going to follow your advice and make sure that they KNOW that I KNOW them and love them unconditionally, even if I am powerless to make their worlds perfect. YOU are not a sinner; YOU are a beautiful person. YOU are saving lives and therefore, I believe that YOU have a special place waiting for you (not for a long time, G-d willing) in the next world. May you be blessed.

A fond mom

Teens

Dear Scott,
I was the girl who came up to you and thanked you for not calling me a ‘cutter.” I also told you that it had been three months since the last time I had cut – and you told me you believed in me. I wanted to let you know, whether you remember me or not, that next week, it will have been one year and three months since I’ve hurt myself. Thank you, so much, for putting into words the way I felt about fighting my self-harm. Thank you for giving me phrases like “touching hot plates to feel my fingers burn.” Thank you for giving me permission to truly feel sadness instead of trying to hide it away. Most of all, thank you for telling me that if I breathe, I belong in this world. Thank you for touching my life and helping me fight my battles.

Sincerely,
Anonymous

Dear Scott,
I am a teenager who lives in San Diego, CA and attended one of your lectures. I would just like to thank you for coming and speaking about your personal experiences with HIV. I think that you are an amazing person, because you were infected with HIV and you learned from your mistakes, and even with your misfortunes, you are still happy with your life. I dont know how you do it. I used to cut myself, and I saw a therapist that I lied to, and nothing worked for me…except your talk. I just wanted you to know that you helped one more desperate teenager on your quest to educate and help the teenagers of the world. I think you are an amazing person, and I admire your courage and your love of life. Thank you very much for talking about a hard subject.